Nana, I miss you so much!
Infact I missed you being close to me all along! That pinch in my heart whenever I wanted to be with you but couldn’t be I still feel it deep inside!
But now, what I realized is you were “Universal” and your love was Universal and available for one and all! In my mind I knew you loved me but in my heart I was longing for a hug, a small chit chat and elaborate lunch and dinner with you around enjoying the dishes and being available to discuss my life, my insecurities, weaknesses and get life hack skills from your experience! But I know that deep inside you felt I was “Capable” & “Well Groomed” and can manage myself! Your goodwill on me was constant, unwavering and unconditional! I did get the vibes from you always that deep inside you knew “JAYU IS INNOCENT AND HE HAS A GOOD HEART”!! I hope I can keep up the same “child” in me and be the same “Jayu” who you loved so much
As they say distance doesn’t matter when you love someone! I felt the warmth of your love whenever on the phone or on video! The blessings you had for Shraavani and Aniruddha was immense! If there was a measuring device it would fall flat of reading the intense love you had for your grand children!
I still remember the “Africa vil Appu” story you narrated to me & Jithu every night for so many years! It was such a fascinating narration and I still remember me & Jithu dozing off hearing those stories! How you allowed me & Jithu to brush off your beard (stub) that gave a small thorn effect is still so fresh in my hands and mind! 😊
I was always wondering why you did not spend much time with your grand children though as you got very busy even after your 65+. But when I saw how you wept in the airport when Shraavani your grandchild was leaving to the US in 2012 made my heart melt! More than Amma I saw you crying Nana! I know you have such a pure heart but that instance reassured to me your tender heart again!
How you treated all your Daughter in laws, nieces and grandchildren the same is really amazing! How you balanced it! When I look back, you have an individual personal story with each one of your nieces and relations that they cherish! How did you manage to do it with your busy social life I must say is a PHD thesis studies that your grandchildren must take up!
The joy you experienced when Aniruddha started playing cricket all of a sudden is only something that I & Kamala saw it first hand! With so much love you got him his first kit bag and told me not to influence his style of play is so vivid! I was only hoping he could play a match for YSCA when you were around but God had other plans!
What a great life you lived Nana! Took care of 3 mothers and you were such a dutiful son for all the 3! I hope my children and youngsters take inspiration from you on how to be a good son! In spite of your larger than life figure outside, inside home you were such a simple person! Very loving husband, I remember the instance when Peddamma told you that Amma was hard of hearing in within a few months of marriage but you brushed off stating what if my wife became deaf after marriage! She is “my wife after all”! What a beautiful lesson you gave us with your statement to Dr. Peddamma that day! I know how you loved Amma and wanted to have your 80th celebration with her! Not many have seen you cry but I have seen from close quarters how you cried for Avva, Peddamma, Amma passing away in front of your eyes! Not many know that you had given 1 year of solace to Cheenu Peddanaina! Yes you gave him shelter and more so your own bed room for him to recover from addiction! What a gesture Nana! Hats off!! I don’t know if I would ever do that after 55+ yrs of age where you went out of the way to do it!! The way you cried in his funeral is still vivid in my memory!!
What a sense of duty and love you had ensuring all medical expenses of Raji Avva, Our Avva & Peddamma you took care without expecting any help from others! As a dutiful and loving son I remember how you ensured medicines are given in time, food is prepared as per their requirements and all their daily needs are taken care! How you took care of Amma is a lesson on how to show unconditional love to a better half! I know the sharp pain you experienced seeing Amma pass away in front of your eyes whom you were so hopeful that she would recover and come back strong! How many temples and Tirtha Yatra which you just did not go alone but took a whole entourage of old and dear ones with you so that they can get that punyam right from Kasi to Rameswaram! How you prayed for Avva’s health to Vakra Kaali that she recovered from breast cancer and lived on for 8 more years is truly amazing! What great faith you had in your Guru’s words and deity’s power!
Every time I asked you to come visit US and you finally agreed and visited with Amma in 2016. Those 41 days you spent with us is still so fresh in our minds! When you informed Kamala that those 41 days (away from Cricket) were the best days of your life after reaching Chennai that was the best compliment a son can hear from his father! I feel truly blessed and cherish those remarks!
Now coming to your social life inspite of having so many opportunities knocking your doors to make a living out of your passionate sport you chose to do it as a service! You never compromised your ideals and always were truthful to the thought of “Service to Cricket”. I haven’t seen anyone that I know of who can be so selfless in his life! Spent your own pocket money but never complained that you had to take the entire brunt of financial responsibility for creating a better life for thousands of your students whom you treated as your own family! Your math classes and cricket were like your 2 eyes! I got so many calls and messages from all your students who were overwhelmed with the opportunity you created for them and been a guiding light for them throughout! You proved that to do service you don’t need to be rich but your heart needs to be rich! Yes you did ask for help but that help was only for YSCA and the kids! No favor ever for your family! If there was help you took for your family you ensured it is paid back for sure or you would never rest! How can a man be so selfless? I & this world around wonder’s Nana!
You were the first to conduct the 30 over format, blind cricket for women, Tournament for schools and corporates, floodlight matches with white-ball, Color jerseys and third umpires, what a great visionary you were! You are a Super Star Nana! There was no one before you like this or no one like you after your life term! “न भूतो न भविष्यति” this is my conviction and belief!
I had my disagreements with you but you never hated me for that! Sorry Nana if at all I did not respect your opinion or actions! As a son I couldn’t see you fail anytime! You were and will be my “Hero” Nana! Try to forgive me and my actions if at all it hurt you even by my speech!
You stuck to your passion until your last breath and like the great APJ Abdul Kalam you were with your students at the last moments of your life! What a blessing you had to pass away so peacefully without pain and as you asked “Anaayasa Maranam” without trouble to others! Like Kamala mentioned you had the gift like Bheeshmacharya to pass away to the divine plane at your wish!
How can I forget that hug I gave you (*dared to) when I left to the US in 2022 and how you smiled with a wink in front of Aniruddha is still so fresh! I feel bad I couldn’t hug you before you were turned into ashes! But deep inside I know you hated death and disease and more so places of death! So I insisted you are at peace at our lovable home! I did not want your soul to look over your mortal remains being kept in some god damn mortuary! My body shuddered to even think you being kept in a mortuary! I know you hated it and I couldn’t imagine you being there waiting for me!
I pledge and pray that YSCA will go on and one day your grandson will fly the flag of YSCA at the international level for sure! When intentions are strong and for the greater good, God shows a way and I know this from your life!
In your life you literally followed this teaching of Adi Shankaracharya!
“मा कुरु धन जन यौवन गर्वं
हरति निमेषात् कालः सर्वम् । “
“mā kuru dhana‑jana‑yauvana‑garvam
harati nimeṣāt kālaḥ sarvam “
Do not be proud of wealth, followers/relations, or youth; time destroys everything in the blink of an eye- so said Adi Shankara in his famous “Bhaja Govindam” song! You lived as per the great teaching! Ever humble and loving one and all!!
You are the most eligible devotee as per Lord Krishna and what he stated in Bhagavad Gita
“अद्वेष्टा सर्वभूतानां मैत्रः करुण एव च ।
निर्ममो निरहङ्कारः समदुःखसुखः क्षमी ॥१२.१३॥“
“adveṣṭā sarva‑bhūtānāṁ maitraḥ karuṇa eva ca
nirmamo nirahaṅkāraḥ sama‑duḥkha‑sukhaḥ kṣamī“
“One who has no hatred toward any being, who is friendly and compassionate,who is free from the sense of ‘mine’ and from ego,who is even‑minded in sorrow and happiness, and who is forgiving”
Some of the chats I got from my cousins below made me choke and proud and testimony to the great life you lived Nana!
“ There have been literally hundreds of people, none of whom we know, who have come here and cried in sorrow and expressed deep anguish for your Dad.”
“ Its obvious that he did a huge amount of good for so many others ra Jayu. Very happy. He earned so much good karma. His peaceful end with absolutely no suffering, surrounded by the huge outpouring of affection is testimony of that. Wish you could have been here to see it. Regardless of his demise, you would have been overjoyed.”
You had all these qualities Nana! I am sure you have no personal regrets but if at all there is something I will pray God that it gets fulfilled through your future generations! Travel well in the divine plane and I will do whatever sacrifice I can to make you proud and happy! Bless us all and your YSCA always!
In the service of you- Jayu
